Ahmadinejad Defends Iran’s “Inalienable Right”

President Mamoud Ahmadinejad defended Iran's nuclear program in a speech at a group of Islamic clerics, says: "The Iranian nation has an inalienable right to be a nuclear target." So, conflating an intended reference to the Declaration of Independence by rail transportation, he added: "The train of the Iranian nation is without brakes and a rear gear. We dismantled the rear gear and brakes the train and threw them away sometime ago."

"But what happens when we have a nuclear weapon?" A cleric dared ask.

"I was just getting to it," he replied. "Now some of you wondering what will probably happen as Iran gets closer to getting nuclear weapons, what else? We will be attacked.

"And what if we actually threaten to use nuclear weapons? You guessed it. We are sure to be attacked.

"And what if we actually succeed in using a nuclear weapon? You guessed right again. We will be attacked - and no doubt with nuclear weapons.

"And who will attack us? Israel? America? England? France? Russia? China? The truth is that there are so many nations that can attack us that we have absolutely nothing to worry about. We can be sure that one or more of these nations will attack us.

"And if things go as they could, we may be attacked by almost all of them. But do not worry. We will be going up in smoke for Allah. So we have nothing to fear.

"And let me assure you that my intentions are in no way guided by a subconscious death wish. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am very frank about my intentions.

"And no nation - not America, not Israel, not all European infidels together to deter the Iranian nation. We will be a nuclear target. It is our fate, that is, unless someone has a better idea.

"So, like George Bush, I would entertain it, before I reject it. Now I would like to hear if anyone has a better plan."

To encourage participation, the guards beside him presented arms. Noting the potential fusillade, the clergy seemed totally agree with him.

"I'm glad you agree with the plan," Ahmadinejad said. Then continued his recent references to the American language he effused, "Life, liberty and the pursuit of nukes! United we die, divided we disagree, I have a nuclear dream! And mark my words, the end is near!"