Mahmoud And The Talking Camel

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the feisty and foolish President of Iran, came back from one of his frequent addresses to students who always agree with him 100% when a camel walked out onto the road his limo was zipping along.

"Look, a camel," cried his perceptive driver, slamming on the brakes.

"Just give him a minute," Mahmoud observed sagely, "and I am sure he will cross the road to get to the other side."

"What?" The bodyguard beside the driver asked, inadvertently poking himself in the eye with his AK-47.

"To get a glass of water," witty Mahmoud suggested.

"Ha," chuckled the driver and bodyguard, who makes up through their feigned camaraderie, the usual "Ha, ha."

But instead of behaving as expected, the camel ambled up to the limo and looked into Mahmoud. So the way to the mayor-turned-President's surprise, it began to move his lips as if he spoke Farsi.

Ever commit pawn of the ruling party mullahs, Mahmoud rolled down his window and asked, "Can I help you?"

"Yez, Prez," the camel replied with a curious accent that seemed to be because of his rubbery lips.

Surprised, Mahmoud exclaimed: "How can a camel talk?"

"It'z a zpecial gift from Allah."

"Really?" The President was thinking.

"Yez. There I WAZ, sleeping at a watering hole last night when Allah appeared on my back, and Said, 'I have a problem."

"I did not know what to say" camel continued, "Because I did not know how to speak.

"So Allah said," Let’s talk. "

"And suddenly I knew how.

"So I Said," Thanks, what happens? "

"God sighed and told me, 'Try as I might, I can not find a single Iranian with the courage to have an honest talk with Mahout. Zoo I've decided to give you the assignment."

"A little camel, appearing on behalf of Allah?" Mahout doubt.

"No, a camel chozen of Allah," was the wise reply. "Zoo I Said to Allah," How can I help? "

"And what did God say?" Mahout half scoffed.

The camel looked at the bodyguard with AK-47 and shook with fear.

"Relax," Mahout told him. "He will not shoot. I promise."

"Thanks," the camel replied.

"So what did God tell you?"

"He said, 'Go to Mahout and tell him he has a suicide wish."

"A suicide wishes?" Ahmadinejad said, and jumped out of the limo. "Allah told you that?"

"Yes, he did," the camel said. "Not only that, he said, you buy it off the entire nation of Iran."

"Now, why would I do that?" Mahout demanded.

"He said you misinterpreted Koran."

"I did?"

"Yes, he said that you think when you die you will go to Paradise as a martyr and has a subliminal want to go there. But he said you forget that he created you so you would live before you die. In fact, he created the whole universe so you can live until you die. So ending your life by choice defeats his primary purpose. Naturally he’s upset. Very upset. "

"But how should I try to commit suicide?"

"He said with your policy of nuclear development."

The bodyguard knew any negative talk about the Iranian centrifuge subterfuge would anger Mahout, who had somehow confused the prestige of Iran with his, along with his Supervisors mullahs, nuke-a-Duke policy. Then he fastened his main means of communication, AK-47, and asked: "Do you want me to silence him?" I can do it without admitting it. "

"No," Mahout said great insight. "A camel, who can talk, should not be shot."

The camel has not taken a bodyguard's suggestion in stride, and uttered, "Uh-oh." So it turned to trot away.

"Come back here and tell me what else Allah said," Mahout told him.

The camel stopped, but only to call back, "he said you know you are involved in a gamble, you can not win."

"He said that?"

"Yes, he did," the camel dared to confirm, and glanced at the bodyguard. "Do not shoot or I shut up."

"He will not," Mahout insured spooked camel, and turned to the bodyguard. "He may be a camel, but he is a messenger of Allah. So, no shooting." Then he looked back at the eloquent dromedary. "Did he say why I can not win?"

"Yes, he Said that the closer you get to success, several other nations will stop you." The camel swallowed hard and went out. "They will bomb you before they let you have a bomb."

"He said it?" Mahout asked, and then realizing he had just sneaked into the strange accent of the camel, corrected himself. "I mean, he said that?"

"Yes, he did," camel confirmed. "Not only hat he Said you tell other countries you only do it for a reason to isn’t credible because Iran HAZ plenty of oil so it does not need nuclear energy."

"Anything else?" Mahout asked, grinding his teeth a bit.

"The major pep: He told me to tell you that stop."

"Or?"

The camel swallowed hard, and then said: "I had to go from one city to another and tell people to stop you, so they need not die with you."

The bodyguard waved his AK-47 in the sun.

The camel noticed it and said: "Zoo, quick! What is your decision?"

"My decision is, you must be an illusion. Who has heard of a talking camel - especially one that claims to be a messenger from Allah?"

"I think you're right, boss," the bodyguard called, and wiggled his rifle. "Shall I give the hole-in-the-head test?"

Ahmadinejad took out his handkerchief and wiped his brow, contemplating the possibility. Then he said, "Why waste bullets on an illusion?"

Come back in the limo, he huffed skeptical, "Drive at. And not one of you tells anyone I was talking to a camel."