Gaining Others' Respect

We all want to be respected by others. And we would all love to have control over, if not others treat us respectfully. Is it realistic?

Nigel, one of my clients have a lot of confusion around this topic. He believes that people, especially his wife and children, should "be respectful to him and he becomes very angry when they treat him disrespectfully - as they often do.

What Nigel has failed to understand - which is what led him to seek my help - is that the other is often a mirror of how we treat ourselves.

Much of my work with Nigel is centered on becoming aware in many ways, he disrespect himself and what would have respect for themselves.

Emotionally:

* He often judges his own feelings, discounting her feelings and say to himself that he "did not" feel this way.

* He often ignores his feelings, the focus in the head instead of his body, and turned to addiction, like sugar and television to soothe his feelings.

* He sees himself as a sacrifice for others' choices, to make others responsible for his feelings rather than taking responsibility for her own pain and joy.

PHYSICAL:

* He often stays up late watching TV, disrespecting his need for sufficient sleep.

* He often does junk food, do not take the time to eat well, disrespecting his body needs good nutrition.

* He did not take the time to exercise so he is out of shape, disrespecting his need for a strong and healthy body.

* He dresses badly, even to the point of wearing socks with holes in them, and often wearing dirty or wrinkled clothes, disrespecting his innermost desire for clean and appropriate clothing.

Organizational:

* He is often late, disrespecting his inner desire to get places on time and not stressed about it.

* His desk is often a mess, disrespecting his inner desire for order in his life.

FINANCIAL:

* He is not balance his checkbook and is often overdraft at the bank, much to the distress of his wife.

* While he makes plenty of money, he can not save something, to create an inner sense of insecurity.

* He often uses the money to try to control how others think of him disrespecting his own intrinsic value by trying to buy other people's approval.

Relational:

* He often care-taking other than to say no when he means no and yes when he means yes, give themselves up to control other, totally disrespecting their own feelings and needs.

* He often explains and defends, trying to control others instead of standing in its own power.

Spiritual:

* Although he believes in God, he takes no time to feed themselves spiritually.

* He does things in business that he is not proud of, not respect themselves enough to behave with integrity.

These are just a few of the ways that Nigel has learned to disrespect themselves. Others see or feel his lack of respect for themselves, of course, treat him with the same disrespect with which he treats himself. Rather than being angry at them, Nigel is learning to see them as a mirror of its own internal system. Every time his wife or children, or anyone else treat him disrespectfully, Nigel is learning to walk in and see how he treats himself.

As a result of this, more people treat him with respect. Although there will always be some people who are consistently disrespectful to all, Nigel is finding out that other changes in response to his change. He is also learning to respect themselves enough to free themselves from others when they are being disrespectful to him.