Parents And Perfection

When parenting and perfection are synonymous?

How often have you heard someone say that their parents really screwed them up? This seems to be standard cry in our society today.

I struggle with this on two levels. The first level, I really think as parents we are responsible for the database, we give our children so they can make decisions in a responsible manner.

So, yes, if my kid screws up I will stand longer than the mirror to look at why it happened.

But I also expect some of my child.

I expect that they understand that I learn as much as I grow. It means I do not always have all the answers, I will not be God, and I will screw up. I can share only as much as I have learned, and when I am in the process of this level will continue to change. Honestly, I do not expect that I have learned everything in life at this point. So that means yes I will make mistakes, yes I will screw up, and yes I need forgiveness.

At what point in our society we have decided that parents are perfect in everything they do from the moment they have children? If you had your kids in your 20s, my goodness, you were still growing yourself. How can you ever expect that the learning you give your child will be at the level they are 20 years later in your life? If you had your kids in your 30s, you probably have more financial stability, but you can be in a period of questioning your own life - - if you reach the goals you want and if your life is where you want it to be.

Undoubtedly our children always be affected by these issues we have. So how should we teach our children that it is okay to grow, it's okay to learn, and it is okay to make mistakes?

This means that there has been a time our children see in the mirror and say "this is my life." They must be accountable, that they can not cope with everything that happens to them in life, but they sure can control how they react to things happening in their lives.

Parenting is not about perfection. It's about learning to grow and share that learning with small bodies which we put in the world and trying to help pave the way she or he moves forward in life. This is a huge responsibility and it means we have to be discipline, guide and coach to help them build the best database possible so they can stand on their own feet so they can make informed and responsible decisions. It means that times have children will respect us, but do not like what we do. This is no time to be their friend, it's time to be their guide.

Personally I am sick and tired of people standing back and blaming the parents. I am sick of hearing the news about a person go in and shoot at school because of anger and frustration, they did not know where to put. And I am sick and tired of people not looking in the mirror and say "this is me, this is my life and I own it."

So no, your parents were not perfect. Your parents made mistakes. Your parents screwed up. But there is no reason for this legacy will live on with you and if you blame them in the head, that legacy lives on with you.

This is your time to make the changes you need to grow your teaching to the next level, and to stretch your learning. And yes, you will make mistakes, you screw up, and hopefully your kids will look back and say: "I know you did the best you can with what you had, and I am grateful."