Many couples come for counseling in crisis with their relationship or marriage in jeopardy. They have little or no understanding of the problems or problems of the second and even less understanding of each others views. The love, the error as "true love" is the end of daily living.
Quite often, and on exploration, it becomes clear that the couple have skipped a step or two in the mating process. They forgot to be friends and / or they forgot to right.
Dating at any age is the involvement with one another for personal fun, joy and fulfillment. With luck, the involvement of reciprocity of experience, but this is not necessarily a goal. In view of the sexual habits and practices today, the purpose of dating often includes sexual attractiveness or satisfaction. Luck is a prominent place yesterday because up together, the couple knows little of each other and hence the outcome is uncertain. It is the nature of dating. During the dating process, the parties have a tendency to present themselves in their best light, hiding any stains, physical or personal, which might otherwise undermine the pursuit of fun, joy and fulfillment. The problem is that some people mistake dating behavior as a sign of the party's true and I rush to engagement or marriage without taking into account other crucial steps in the coupling process.
Friendship goes beyond dating and is indicative of that knowledge, taste and trusting person. To know a person and develop a friendship, a truer and deeper understanding of personality and characteristics are obtained. We trust our friendships for mutual support, encouragement, and entertainment. While online dating is directed towards personal fun, joy and fulfillment, friendship provides for the mutual benefit of neither party's expense. It takes experience of a person to learn whether there is a shared sense of mutual responsibility for friendship - reciprocity in mutual support and care. Since this is found to be the case, people can explore the next phase of the coupling process.
Courtship takes friendship to a new level. In courtship, the parties sign an exclusive relationship with the intent to explore opportunities for lifelong bonding or cohabitation. Courtship is far more serious than friendship and requires that participants take the time to learn fully, all the stains, physical and otherwise, that their potential partner. This is where the couple must really get to know each other in all aspects of life, mental, behavioral, familial, social, professional, etc. When we take on a partner, we take all their significant relationships also. By getting to know each other in all aspects of life, in order to woo becomes so to answer the question, "Can I live with this person and family forever?"
Relationship is best taken on as is and not as an investment. Whereas we generally try to limit our risk when they invest money in the same way we should reduce our risk when they take on relationships. This is not to say that we do not partner with anyone who has questions or concerns, but rather, they must be in plain view, they should be discussed and there should be an agreed plan in place for management. You must decide what you can and can not live with. Woo it's time to figure it out.
With friendship then initiated courtship and resolved, people are ready for the next phase; commitment. Commitment is the promise to marry. This is not intended as experiments or learning, but there is time for preparation of a commitment to lifelong process of bonding and exclusive cohabitation.
Play your cards right, and follow these steps and you will reduce the likelihood of winding up in the therapist's office. And would not it be just lovely!
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