Life at home with a child with autism is rarely easy. Changes in routine, unexpected guests, difficulties with food, toileting and dressing can be disruptive for the whole family. Visit your doctor or dentist is incredibly challenging. Parents too often give up visiting friends and family because of the stress to break the routine of a child with autism and bring the child into unknown territory is just too much to bear. Parents cringe at the thought of public meltdown and / or self-injurious behavior in a place where people are very quick to judge. No, staying home is often just easier.
But staying home is not always the best for the parents or the child. Parents should have the freedom to get done errands or to visit a friend without being completely overwhelmed. Our children must also have the opportunity to experience new sights and sounds and to build confidence from "tackle the world." Every time a child comes out of their door (with or without autism) have an opportunity to learn and to grow. Research has shown that neurons in the brain get "excited" by the new experiences, and from this we "grow" our brain by building new roads. People with autism need to experience the world outside their homes to build neural pathways, practice living in a social environment, and learn to regulate their own behavior. Children can not practice social skills while you sit in front of a Disney movie. We can not learn to control our senses or our fear if we are safely kept away from things that can annoy or frighten us. But we can not "throw" the baby in the middle of social situations and hope they can handle. We have to give them the tools they need to succeed. What are these tools?
1. Use a visual timetable regularly. Paradoxically, to teach people with autism use a schedule allowing them to become more independent. Schedules so that people with autism to understand their world and organize their thoughts, and sequence their lives. By illustrating a change in the schedule visually, we help individuals to deal with change and cope more effectively.
2. Show and discuss a "game plan" before you leave home. Use schedule, explain what will happen, identify how it can feel and how you will help. Some people use Carol Gray's Social Stories ™, but a simple script can be equally useful. Remember that pictures and / or written word is far more effective than just talking. The auditory canal treatment is not as effective as the visual channel for many people with autism. The child needs to feel some sense of control over what happens. These children are too often feel an acute anxiety over what is, or what could happen to them.
3. Illustrate clear expectations for your child. Warning a child that you expect them to be good, will not do the job. What does being "good" look like? And sound like? A checklist of these behaviors, a social script, or a set of visual images, the tools that make the difference between success excursion. Parents may even find it useful to role play restaurant, church, dentist or doctor before the child meet the real thing. The point is that people with autism do not instinctively know what is expected of them in given situations. Parents and caregivers can bridge this understanding by identifying the expectations in a constructive and non-threatening way.
4. Pack "Tools of the trade". There are some points that I never leave home without: a visual clock, sand timer, coloring books / small quiet toys, white board and marker or paper to write messages to your child (talk less, show what you mean by images / word). Sensory toys (squishy balls, vibrating pens, fabric or sandpaper that the child has contact) are also important tools because they can help the child to self-regulate. We all have items that we feel more comfortable to have with us a cup of coffee, a favorite pen, have pictures of our family, or a "lucky charm" some objects that can bring some of us a kind of comfort and home stability. People with autism may need to implement various objects, for similar purposes.
5. Give information about your child that others will need to serve your child. I personally believe that explain some of your child's basic needs to a dentist, doctor, store clerk, waitress, or anyone who may misunderstand your child is far more fair for everyone involved. Sharing does not mean to get sympathy or tell a life story. It could be as simple as, "Please give our child more time to respond." When our son began to be invited to birthdays, we contacted the host parents and tell them some of the basic information they would need to know to make the birthday running smoothly. This information may be that the child does not like the birthday song, or clapping sounds and he would therefore "be in the toilet", as it happens. One parent even suggested a "quiet place" that our son could retreat to if he felt overwhelmed. Information is power.
6. Give yourself plenty of time. A hasty errand will often be disastrous, because, as many parents know, the more rushed we are, the slower our kids moving! Our children with autism are busy to handle their own stress, they can not possibly get along so well!
Every ounce of energy and thought we put into planning the home experiences of persons with autism will multiply the benefits for all. As a teacher of students with severely debilitating autism and a mother of a son with autism, we are very aware that the task of breaking into the fast paced world with a person with autism is not easy. we knew first hand that it can be downright scary to bring six students with autism to a zoo, a church, a restaurant or a supermarket, but the learning that takes place for students, employees and the community is worth the effort. We enrich each other's lives, when we move beyond the comfort zone in our own homes and schools.
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