Online Dating - The Rules

1. Be honest about your dating status

Our personal pet peeve: Men who are at being single. Nothing is more frustrating than a man desperate to break into a new kitten. Signs to look for include:

- Picture-less profiles are married men do not want to be ID'd by their friends or * gasp * their wife.

- Torn and hurried emails, demanding to meet EVENING: He got a 2-hour window, while his wife is out with the girls and the need to fill it.

- The conversation always leads to sex: that's all he has at heart, and he does not care who it comes from.

- He loves and needs and wants and has to have you. Oh yeah, I bet he falls for you and are halfway * ahem * divine inspiration.

- He gives you a detailed guide, which includes not leaving voicemails, not calling at certain times, lack of self-disclose a phone number, a warning that he could disappear for a while, and a request for naughty pictures in front when he have to delete them quickly.

- Cheating married men are slimy and hardly worth a single girl time. Why take half of half of half of something when you can have it all without the drama?

- Married women are in the same category, but why repeat myself?

2. No Penis Picks

Holy God, this should not even be mentioned. First and foremost, most of these pictures are not even artfully made. Second of all these penises are often not something to be proud of. we can testify that I have been visually raped more times than we can count, and adding insult to injury, the offending parties did not even grace me with an erection. There is nothing appealing about a flaccid unit. What I we had to pat it and serves the dinner? Men, women do not want to see a picture of your penis or your "boys". Just because you do not have a job or a life, and spend hours online pleasuring you just as aimless and spineless women who have nothing else to do but show their pancake-like sweater puppies, does not mean the rest of us are panting to see your junk. It's like penis pictures and breasts have replaced "Hello, how are you?" "Fine, thanks, and yourself?"

Penis: 'sup, baby? Want to get something? Get at us!

Boob: Oh, you know it, baby, we get to get us some of it!

STD-ridden sex commenced, and we have another generation of idiots, which assesses progress back a few steps once for all. Please, do not benefit the species not send over your penis picks.

3. Be Safe - have a double Life

Meet in a public place. Not his place. Not your place. A public, well lit and moderately populated location.

- You must not divulge the contents of your TRW. Your address, your work address, your bank and any other piece of confidential information to be used in a myriad of ways to compromise your security. It is common sense, but you never know.

- Do not go back to their place. I do not care how safe you think they are. I do not care if you feel the need to turn right then and there. You do not know a person after a couple of hours, minutes or seconds of meeting.

- Use a free email account. When it evolves into private e-mail transmissions, you must use a free anonymous account so that your surname not be easily accessible.

- Stick with paid online dating services. You get what you pay for, and it is fairly safe to assume that if you have to pay for it, typically low-life people get weeded out.

- Limit alcohol. It weakens your discernment. Period.

- Let someone else know where you will be. Make sure a friend knows where you are going and when you will be there. Provide them with all the other people, and information. In this way the police will have something to go on when your friend files a missing persons report.

4. Know You Are Not the Only One

This is not Highlander, there can be more than one. Only the ignorant and arrogantly believe that they are the only ones playing the game. Given how dating sites are designed, you will never know how many there are in line before you. If the woman you're interested in is very attractive, and you know for a fact that she is being pursued by any other tool on the totem, you need to do something that makes you stand out. Try to speak up and speak.

Cut straight to the point: "When can I meet you?"

Be interesting and fun, but can not write an essay

Surefire way to sit on the back burner, "So, yes. I'm interested. Tell me about yourself."

Ask someone to tell you something fascinating about them makes you look lazy and stuck up.It says you think you are too good to volunteer any information and is too lazy to make a specific request. If you were really interested, you would not waste his time by asking her something so generic. She will know you sent this email to every other girl, and you will instantly dismissed from his right. Anyone can make a boring question, but it takes real style to say something really cool.

Example: "I had a neighbor with your name. She was 80 years old, grumpy and smelled suspiciously as rotten grapefruit. So I'm glad I found you on here. Even if we never speak to each other, you 've erased a traumatic memory with a very nice, very tasteful, very beautiful visual. Thank you. "

It's fun, and she will be unable to resist asking you the story of your neighbor.

5. No Old Pictures - Look Like What You Look Like

Putting up a picture and a short line: "just lookin 'for a honey to spend some time wit" is not the best approach. For best results, try to stick to the following:

- Use a current picture. Not one who is 10 years old or even 5 years old. Because when you meet, they will know who you really are.

- Do not brag about who you are. I am sure that you are very interesting and fascinating, but it will be very clear that you're already in a love relationship: with yourself.

- Use correct grammar and punctuation. The question, and if a person is too lazy to focus on what they say they will be even less focused on what you say.

- Be honest about your situation. Be honest about your goals. Be frank about your agenda. Be honest about who the heck you are and what the heck you're looking for.

- Do not parade the fact that you are financially successful. It makes you look like a snob, and you will only attract other snobs or gold diggers.

- Do not carry self-pity as it is a warm, hand-knitted sweater. So you are divorced. So you have just been dumped. So what? If you choose to put yourself out there, then you know that you're ready to date. Ergo, is not the swamps of sadness that everyone has to steer clear of. Leave your drama where it belongs - at home, under the floorboards, bound and gagged. There is nothing noble about to wallow in self pity. It only makes you look pathetic.

- Your profile is an extension of you and resume for your personal life. Do it well.

6. Be Gentle

Some may not believe that this is important, but when your wish is not reciprocated, there is a proper way to handle it. If your mental SOS not immediately picked up by your date, let them down gently.

Not acceptable:

- "Crap, I forgot to feed my dog before I left!" They both know Rover is not starving.

- "I've got a lot of errands to run after this." Does not work, whatever the hour.

- "Whoops, look at that monitor mobile phone *. * I have to run, but it was nice meeting you, we will make it a second time?" Yes, I would not hold your breath.

- "I do not feel up to really DATING someone right now." So why am I here?

Acceptable:

- "Hey, so thanks for coffee / drink / dinner. I had a great time, but I really must go. I hope you have a fantastic evening. Goodnight.

- It is acceptable to arrange a decoy phone calls. It gives you an out, and you do not need to lie.Just try not to go over the top with your dramatic exit.

- Even if you're not interested, you still must spend 20-30 minutes with this person before escaping. Then you can go home and draft an e-mail:

- "Thank you again for meeting me. I enjoyed hearing about _____ and ______. While I enjoyed meeting you, I do not really feel that strong a connection with you. Please do not take offense to this." You have done nothing wrong. Good luck with the site and be safe!

7. Act Your Age - Do not Lie

- There are several unspoken rules in our society. Always bring flowers to Moms house, wash after you dry, 2 parts to 1 makes perfect rice and you never tell a lie about how you look.

- This includes uploading photos of you wearing your 10th Class cheerleader uniforms when you graduated 15 years ago.

- This means that you not send a picture of your ripped, surfing 27 year old son and call it an accident.

- This means you are not over 20 photos of you in the same room, wearing the same shirt, shooting from 10 feet up the same angle, with 20 different facial expressions and call it "random".

- This means you do not pimp out your hotter, younger sister, because in reality, you're a 300 pound shut-in who have not thought earlier Phase 1 and fail to realize that when you do meet face to face conversation will be short and sweet.

- "I did not go out with me because of how I looked." You were right.

- Do not write "I am 45 years young!" Why men do this is beyond me. You are still 45 and now you're officially trying too hard.

- Do not write "You're only as old as you feel!" I have the energy of a 12 years old. Still want to date me?

- Do not write "I'm 50, but I'm 30!" Never ever apologize for your age, unless you're 16th

- There must be loaded with 100 extra-large to push the retirement age and have no sense of humor and then declare you only date girls, if they come gift wrapped and implement their own stuffed animals. Sicko.