Friday, March 19, 2010

The Latest In Crime Fighting

Nigel Osprey sitting in front of his television set with a can of beer in his hand and slowly stand up and take a luxurious sip and a sound escapes his lips wet "ah ... .. this is life!"

He enjoys sports programming on television, holding his favorite brew in hand as a symbol of freedom, while stabilizing a family size pizza, which had just been delivered and are now uncertain balances on their knees. He notices the steam rises and gently wafting through the air, filling the room with his favorite scent: 'food! "

He listens with rapture to his favorite Football Manager's scream.

Yes, he reminds himself with the glowing eyes: the leader is a real man, strong, with a thick body and a mouth that always seem to break out outrageous statements! And invective - although beeped out of a sissy program editor - seems to stream effortlessly from thick lips and selfish.

Nigel giggle to themselves. He enjoys these outbreaks, they are entertaining and insulting words are aired that can not be received over the radio and television services because of their soil content - they're too underground! But you can always lip-read and not missng out, thereby increasing the fun!

Wonderful thoughts come to his mind as he takes another strong week from his beer can: the wife has passed away, this time for good! The divorce was very disturbing and a real revolution. She seems to now live with her Aunt Gerti in Muckalot in another state - wherever the hell it is.

Her dim-witted cousin Winston had arrived and taken up all his belongings. He has taken a lot, piling it high on a truck, but it was nice to see the last of her junk!

From now on, does he remind himself, no more screaming at him, no more berating, home is now quiet and peaceful as only he and his cat Benny, who completely agree with him.

He glances around, noting that the room looks now sparsely furnished. His wife, ex-wife to be exact, has left him with the necessary! But there is a quiet light filtering through the large curtains, which makes all the dust visible, and still gives the room a calm atmosphere.

"This is a man's paradise ', he says, nodding to himself. There are his scattered newspapers, the sports pages open, and soon there will be a few magazines lying around the room, he normally would not have dared to buy.

"It's great to be free", he thinks - it's a wonderful feeling, and he uncovers a heady rush rippling through his body, making him sigh in bliss.

Suddenly there knocking on the door, rather firm and, with his determination.

'What on earth ... .. "He does not like unexpected visitors, especially when they interrupt his favorite TV program!

Before he is able to shout 'Go away! "It bangs again, this time with an extra touch of impatience and very annoying! He feels his anger rising.

Open the door slightly to avoid further noise, he becomes aware of two men, who were obviously detectives, which are characterized by their tight-fitting suits and hats - "wearing hats, today?" He notes. Behind them pushed a fat policeman with a TV news team, complete with cameraman and sound engineer.

The detectives worry him - from his first glance at them, he has the feeling that they spelled troubles. These two men had faces so leathery and weather-beaten and with eyes darting when they make eye contact, seem to come out some secrets of a person who wishes to withhold.

They are with a third man, a kind of professor type with thick glasses who has a clipboard in his hands.

The news team is visibly left, begin to push their way closer to Nigel. They are the squeamish type, colorfully dressed, "very pansy-like," Nigel noted.

They keep their various devices as if they made it public, and humanity in general, a great advantage! "But what is it about?" His thoughts keep running through his mind.

Before he could think clearly and absorb all of the collection, one of the detectives, with a face like a constipated bulldog, with eyes that were wide and bloodshot, and stood them everywhere, with a shiny metal plaque.

'Homicide! " He rasps, 'Are you Nigel Osprey? "

And he did not wait for a response - so sure was he of his case.

'You are arrested for the murder of a Mrs.Emilia Prattlelot ..., your ex wife! "

'W.. W.. W.whaaaat? "Nigel could only gasp incredulously.

"That's right!" You've heard! "This Bellow comes out of non-existent lips.

"Come with me now. Come on, come on ... .." A big fat hand reaches out to grab him.

"What are you talking about?"

Nigel instinctively try to close the door in an attempt to eliminate this hostile crowd.

Unfortunately, this Robert Mitchum-look-alike has big feet - very large, reaching the door hole, preventing its closure.

The third man, one looked like a boffin, but with the same non-descript clothing, had white hair and probably a large bald place, which is also covered by the old-fashioned hat. His striking features were thick glasses - very thick. They were so pronounced that they seem to be rounded off in an attempt to reach him with two small black spots, which show that tries to hypnotize him - they were either his students or dots flies had left on his glasses.

'We know' escaped his stern lips. His Adam's apple moved up and down his scrawny neck with a collar that was too large, giving the impression of shrinking, while they are obliged!

The policeman was in uniform, trying to control his obesity by compressing it seriously. But it only shifted down blubber, which is found in the legs as concrete crushers, with pretty gigantic, wide feet.

Now he is also trying to get into the action: Get out, quick! "It escapes his thick lips.

Nigel believes that it is time to say something:

"Behold, I have not done anything to anybody - I just want to be alone." He strongly through his weight against the door as hard as he could, jamming that huge feet as hard as he could - without power.

"He must have a prosthesis', he notes that man functions reveal anything.

The man with the thick glasses explained:

"We are from PCU, prevent crime fighting unit, based at police headquarters ... ...

"I do not give a fig what you are - I have not done anything and the food gets cold"

(He cried not just 'figure', but this writer is of good upbringing and would not know how to spell the exact expletive!)

Nigel keep banging the door against the detective shoes - a futile exercise.

'Hello', shouts the man with the microphone, can not you come out a bit and give us a smile - you will be on the news tonight! "

Amazed, Nigel opened the door and steppes outside. "What's new? What are you talking about?"

The journalist was very friendly, "Our government has installed a new supercomputer that is not only a record of all the crimes in this state, keeps statistics on the frequency and type ... ... .. '

The scientist went on: "With all the demographic information and the time motif and all other relevant personality traits of perpetrators, we are now able to predict when a crime occurs, by whom, why, et cetera, et cetera ', let the Latin word dissolves on the tongue.

He looked really exited about this new era of combating crime. His hand, the pen seems to write something unseen in the air.

What nonsense! I aven't done something, and that's it. Leave me alone - that many of you! "

His eyes covered all, and your chin pointed in particular to the journalist and his team. Blood is draining from his face and he suddenly felt so alone and helpless.

"It is a nightmare! How do I get out of this? "His thoughts keep racing. And there are now signs of sweat.

"Come with us - come on, come on!" The sharp detective said these words as a busy landlord to remind its patrons of the closing.

"Just to show how precise we are," the scientist tries to demonstrate enthusiastically, "You ordered a pizza for dinner, with extra anchovies and mushrooms." Staring at his clipboard folder in his hand, he rattled off the words.

Stunned silence reigned.

"Well, yes, but ... .. "

"Come on, come with us. Do not give us any problems. "The mountain-man began to fold it under his arm again - a symbol of his impatience.

"Leggo of me - I 'aven't done anything!"

Nigel cry now sounds a bit more desperate.

Staring at his clip board folder, the scientist eagerly continues:

'You have ordered this from a shop called Pizza Paradise - did not you? Then you have fed your cat - did not you? Also, you called your friend Alfredo, encouraged him in the evening? "

The last phrase was shouted with disgust.

In the background, began television anchor man to speak into a microphone to explain to his unseen audience this great new technology, with the eager face of an expert and an upset stomach because he was not sure exactly what he was talking about.

Standing on a nature strip, he feels that this was not the only thing he was on. Do not people believe in picking up after their dogs?

Now the policeman comes into the action: 'You have a brother named Arthur, who lives in England. And a cousin in Townsville, called Edward, - right? And your car number is ... ... "Raising his voice in triumph, he concludes:

'Your ex-wife will arrive any time now, trying to take custody of the dog, so you should live. And then it will happen! "

He nodded to the growing number of spectators. Justice is done - everyone can see it!

A new person, a woman approaches the crowd. She is a little dowdily dressed with a scarf and shows a perfect way to push and pushed her into the crowd and through it.

Almost reaching Nigel, she nods at him.

"Stop! How do you thing you're going? And who are you really?" The policeman with a meaty hand with sausage fingers.

"Let me through, I see Nigel!"

The detective attempted to enter a fact:

'So you're Emilia Prattlelot, the ex-wife? "

The audience gathered outside the door stiffens, they look at each other, nodded, 'I told you! "Then they step back a little, aware that they face a disastrous moment.

"No, I'm Sally the cleaner! I am here to get my wages for cleaning. She looked at Nigel, reached a deal: 'You promised you eighty-five dollars for me ... .. "

Nigel gasped: "Sure, Sally, at eighty five U.S. dollars, you say? No problem! Well into his back pocket he produced his wallet and carefully count the money in her palm a result.

Staring at the money pile up in her hand, she immediately provide information to questions. Yes, she comes regularly, and this afternoon is her salary today.

Great consternation spreads, and the police suddenly looks deeply offended: They are supposed to be the time of the murder!

There is frantic phone calls to the police office and the phones are ringing in the reply, forward and back.

"Thank you, Nigel, see you soon!" Sally disappears with the same amount of determination she came with, but this time with an extra touch of triumph.

For one reason or another group of police looking pale and stunned. The researcher looked into his clipboard folder was suddenly red-face, police crowded around him, all trying to see consciously.

"There is no mention of a Sally!" The nerd with thick glasses seem to have eyes on stalks protruding.

"The wife is not here, but a cleaning woman pops up ... .. '

Firstly, a murmur goes through the crowd as a kind of rebellion began to spread. Mutters first disappointment when loud sounds of discontent about the police in general and the law begin to be aired.

TV crew emergency pack-up their respective facilities with downcast expression, while their bus driver starts the engine. Now they have no story to report!

People are walking away, disgusted and in all directions, had been cheated of a real drama.

The people in the law are still making frantic phone calls to their headquarters, especially for their computer department.

"Goggle-eyes' staring at her mobile, as though he can not believe what he just heard, Fatso tries to crush his phone in his meaty hand and bulldog blood-shot eyes keep staring incredulously at the scientist computer readout.

But after a while they also draw, make their exit, with a final glare at Nigel: "We will be back," their appearance seems to say.

All prefer - the new, crime foreseeability, the computer made a mistake!

Leaving Nigel standing outside his door, alone and scratching his head. Lifted his shoulders, he murmured:

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